meta-rant.

By PJK

You know what sucks? When people ask dumb rhetorical questions at the beginning of a post and then do a rant on that subject, usually about how much something sucks. Makes me sick to the stomach (argh, I hate that expression — where else are you going to be sick to, your spleen?! incidentally, what's with everyone always using "spleen" as their default obscure bodily organ? what's wrong with "pancreas"?) and yet the sad part is, these people think they're funny. People who complain about stuff all the time are NOT funny! They contribute nothing to worthwhile discussion and just annoy everyone else. (don't get me started on everyone else...)

Blog is a dirty word. A filthy skank of a word. All to save a mere fraction of a second. What's the matter, too lazy to type two letters?! It's "weblog". Though I suppose even that's just a lazy contraction. Note to the English language: INVENT NEW WORDS!! DO NOT CONTRACT EXISTING WORDS INTO UGLY MASHED UP HYBRIDS!! But I digress (hate that phrase, such a pretentious cliché... and yes there is an accent on the "e" so get it right next time morons!). Returning to my previous point: rants are the bane of the Internet. (which appparently gets to be capitalised because apparently it's a pronoun... go figure [ohmyfuckinggod I hate the phrase "go figure", that is such a huge Americanism right there — and while I'm at it, what's the deal with people complaining about Americanisms? it's my language and I'll use it how I want] — the only other theoretical entity I can think of that gets to be capitalised is God... are you people trying to say that the Internet is God?!)

Like a sad old man committed to an asylum for yelling at ducks, so-called "Bloggers" (ugh) will resort to ranting at any given opportunity. After all, it's easier than coming up with something worthwhile to talk about, and can be fed to them directly from the mouths of other Bloggers; regurgitated if you will to form bite-sized digestible chunks. Mmm... pre-chewed.
HOWEVER — the absolute worst thing (apart from introducing sentences with ridiculous hyperbole like "the absolute worst thing") is when bloggers write posts about how they supposedly have nothing to write about. Umm, aside from the whole massive irony thing, what did you just achieve exactly? Why waste everyone's precious leisure time by telling us something as pointless as that?! For freak's sake.

Speaking of wasting time, I believe that fulfills my contractual requirement for a post this week.
Nicely played. *sweeps one in past the goalie while he wasn't looking*

Er... fin?