living next door to Challis.

By Challi

Challis? Who the fuck is Challis?

Well since you asked, let me just get a little history of the Challis family out of the way first. 9 or so years ago, me and my family lived next door to where we live now. Then we moved to where we are now upon the realisation that nobody actually lives next to us on this side. We then just rented out our old house to several different people and we get a little bit richer because of it. Who knows? Maybe we'll end up buying all the houses on our street and then maybe the whole of Littlehampton and have monopoly over it and paint all the houses green and add in some hotels which are red and have chimneys for some reason. Kind of like this:


Yessir, we'll have complete monopoly over our suburb, just like that board game where you try to gain a monopoly over everything, y'know, chess.

The people currently renting our house appear to be a family of 3 who ironically look homeless and obviously have minimal possessions that don't include a razor or soap. They used to live in one of those Housing Trust houses where the house is practically free. Apparently they left because the house was a little bit too small. Sounds like a dumb excuse to me, there's only 3 people in the family and the house is free anyway! It's fucking free! Who gives a shit if it's a little small? I'd live in a 2 room house with no toilets if it was free. Oh well, I guess beggars can be choosers and these people look an awful lot like beggars.

One time when I was walking home I saw the sasquatch father and the son of this family playing cricket with none of the actual equipment you need to play cricket but I'm sure they were still kind of playing cricket. They had a tennis ball for a ball, a wheelie bin for wickets and, here's the quencher, a tennis racquet for a bat. OK, the tennis ball I can understand because it bounces better, the wheelie bin I can understand because, let's face it, nobody actually owns a set of wickets but a freaking tennis racquet? No! Uh uh. That's just not cricket. That's a travesty my dear sir. I would of leant them my brother's Gray Nicholls cricket bat if he didn't take it with him. Hell, even a plastic cricket bat would of been good. But no, they play cricket with a tennis racquet. There's only one thing I have to say about that:

Shame Shame Shame

What annoys me the most is that these losers think they have a right to complain that the bathroom is a bit dirty. Wa wa wa, call a wambulance. We're the poor people who have to watch these ugly neanderthals play cricket with a tennis racquet in our backyard while their ute rusts outside. They have no right to complain at all. I hate how the bottom rungs of society feel they can bitch about anything their superiors do when they're not exactly setting the best example either. Now I know how the Prime Minister feels.

and if those people don't clean up themselves and their act, I guess they've got to get used to not living next door to Challis.
-C

Matisyahu.

By PJK

reactions to the mufti's comments.

By Challi

Just some quick thoughts RE: Sheikh Taj El-Din Hamid Hilaly's comments. Now, obviously the comments were bound to spur controversy, and if the the Sheik didn't think people would overreact, or was hoping for that effect, he's an idiot, plain and simple (yes, I am allowed to call the mufti of Australia an idiot if I want, and remember that what I just said was a conditional statement). HOWEVER, there is no reason why anyone should arrive at the conclusion, as several Muslims and also Bronwyn Bishop remarked, that "the Mufti doesn't like Australian women" on the Sunday program this week.

First of all, the Mufti was QUOTING. He happened to just be quoting a conversation he had with other Australian Sheiks and what he had said. If you look at the comment in context, it's a valid point. The Mufti was speaking on the subject of "protection and humility", specifically, suggesting that any woman who dresses up with any skin showing at all is bound to attract a whole lot of horny cats that see the uncovered woman and think she is expired raw meat. I agree. I mean, look at the skin of any woman, sure looks like rotting meat flesh to me. And it is a historical fact that cats have eaten scantily-clad women whole upon the realisation that they are in fact made of meat. Let's not sugar-coat history here people, we were born with meaty flesh, ok? and now we must protect ourself from hungry cats. Hell, if he wasn't a Muslim this wouldn't of been an issue AT ALL. I mean sure any religion should be open to criticism. Yet the hysteria mounts, and even in this enlightened age we see women straining their periods about it. I mean maybe he has a point, women's flesh should be preserved for the cats they end up marrying and isn't for anyone else to see. Allah forbid women's skin should be shown at all, I mean how is the way a woman looks supposed to land a husband? That's never happened before! and it's his opinion anyway. How can anyone who believes in free speech defend that? Political correctness, if taken seriously should not accept double-standards.

Yeah, I'll do a proper post tomorrow maybe. I just got a little bored.
-C

a letter to the UN, re: Australia's nuclear threat.

By PJK

Dear the United Nations,

Grave news: my countrymen are planning to harness nuclear energy — supposedly for electricity, but how can we be sure? For the sake of consistency and for the safety of the Free World™, I call for immediate sanctions against Australia. This is a real threat to the stability of the region and there can be no delay. I know how effective the UN has been in past emergencies and I’m sure you’ll come through for us again.

Yours in good faith,
Patrick Keeley — Citizen of the World