what if stupid songwriters were one of us?

By Challi

There had been an old song from 1995 (Gosh, almost ancient) playing on the radio the other day (the other day being 4 weeks ago) that's been kind of bugging me a lot because it sticks in your head, and I admit to downloading it once before, but the lyrics are so bland and don't make sense at all. It wouldn't usually bother me but the guy who wrote the lyrics (Eric Bazilian, btw, not like you care) was clearly trying to be all philosophical but instead wrote a song that is incredibly ignorant and has demeaned us as humans.

The song I'm referring to is "One of us" by Joan Osborne. Ring a bell yet? It undeservedly won a Grammy for song of the year in 1996 probably just because it mentions God in it 20 times. The lyrics to the chorus ought to refresh your memory.

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Tryin' to make his way home?

Yeah that's right. That song.

Now if God was one of us, he'd be just that, one of us. He'd just be some stranger that we wouldn't look at twice because he's just some uninteresting guy we don't know. That's pretty much what the chorus is saying anyway, but let's take a look at some of the other lyrics.

If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?

I'm sure his name would still be God, or possibly Godfrey, but I wouldn't call it to his face because I don't know who the fuck he is, because he'd just be some stranger on the bus.

If you were faced with Him in all His glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?

If he was just some slob like one of us, he would not be in "all his glory", because he wouldn't have a whole lot of glory anyway. The only question I'd need to ask him would be something like "Could you please move out of the way so I could get out of the bus?"

If God had a face what would it look like?
And would you want to see if, seeing meant
That you would have to believe in things like heaven
And in Jesus and the saints, and all the prophets?

but it wouldn't. He's supposed to be a human now in your little hypothetical, so I'd be able to see him anyway unless he is hiding behind something. I would not have to believe in any spiritual being in order for a normal human to be visible to me. Geez.

Back up to heaven all alone

"Back" up to heaven? If God was truly one of us, he would of been born on Earth. And yeah, "maybe" go back up to heaven when he dies.

No, nobody calling on the phone
No, just tryin' to make his way home
Nobody calling on the phone
'Cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

What the fuck? We slobs don't get phone calls from the freaking Pope! and if we did, we wouldn't exactly be on his speed dial. If God was just some slob like one of us, he wouldn't get calls from the Pope. I mean c'mon, what would make him so special? I doubt God even gets phone calls from the Pope in reality. What a stupid thing to say.

So the bottom line is this: If God was one of us, nobody who didn't know who he is would give a shit who he is. Not even the Pope. It's like the guy who wrote the song is completely out of touch of how a normal human is like and thinks that we're all invisible and are friends with the Pope. We really aren't.

and that's the bottom line because Challi said so.
-C