to be or not to be, that is the equestrian.

By Challi

Just felt like sharing with you a great hidden treasure I found at JB Hi-Fi!


That's right, equestrian challenge! You've fallen asleep to it during the olympics, now you can live the tedium! Trotting my horse around a field while a bunch of old people with monocles look on is lots of fun! Whoa, be careful your horse doesn't halt in the wrong place, that was a close one! Oh you can just smell the grass growing.

You can even customise your rider, with all the dorky headgear and tanned tight pants you can think of. The only way they could make a game like this game even more fun is if it was a completely different game altogether and not one where the world's most boring sport is utilised in a video game! I mean c'mon, equestrian? It doesn't deserve it's own video game, and why Lucinda Green, whoever the hell she is, reckoned she was worthy of a video game just because she is tops in an obscure sport, is beyond comprehension.

and who the hell would be the market for this game? Kids and uni students, of whom are the main consumers in the video game market, would definitely not fork out their undeserved cash for a sport sim about a sport that only old fuddy duddies like. Said old fuddy duddies, who like the sport of equestrian, obviously don't play video games because they're not into video games and wouldn't play them anyway because their arthritis has completely screwed up their hands.

So who would want this game? Nobody. I'd be surprised if anyone even thought about buying it, though I'm sure those people who did buy it did it on impulse and didn't think about it at all, then came home and just realised what they just did and headbutted several holes in their wall.

At the end of the thought, it's just some weirdos trying to cover every sport simulation ever (case in point, World Championship Darts) and congratulations guys, you did it! Now enjoy having no money.

Some treasures are just meant to stay hidden. Frankly, I hope this one gets hit with equine flu.

-C

post-poned.

By PJK

Well folks I can't help but feel bad. I feel bad because right now Challi is probably slaving away under sweatshop conditions to devise another in his series of highly entertaining posts, whereas I am lying on my ridiculously comfortable bed devouring "Groovy Candy Rolls". Can you believe that? They call them Groovy Candy Rolls now! In my day they were called Fizzers. That's just terrible. I feel bad about that.

Mind you, I'm not paying Challi for nothing. That would be a gross waste of finances, a little like throwing money into the event horizon of a black hole only to have it snatched by an an alternate version of me in a parallel universe wherein money is worthless and its inhabitants are also jerks who won't give stuff back to people in other universes. No, I pay Challi's salary for the exceptional quality of his articles, and in that regard he's certainly been earning his keep of late. And I'm glad, because now his kids won't have to eat rats anymore.

So where does this leave me, alleged co-conspirator in this whole operation? Right here. I haven't moved since I started writing and I'm not sure why you would ask that anyway. Do you really need to know my every whereabouts? I guess for my sake I'll just have to lift my game and post something worth reading. After all, the title of this blog clearly contains an 's' in brackets, and that means there's supposed to be more than one unenthusiast around here to complain about stuff. Well... technically it only means that we allow for the possibility of more than one, but you get the idea.

tl;dr? More posts from me soon.

man on the moon.

By Challi

I was thinking today about music I liked from the '90s and then remembered about Savage Garden and how I liked their music but made the right choice not to admit it, because yeah, Savage Garden. So who are Savage Garden? They're not a poor sexual euphemism, no sir, they were like the biggest Australian band of the '90s if you don't count all those other bands that were bigger than them. They also performed one of my favourite songs when I was a kid: To The Moon and Back.

If you still are unaware of what the hell I'm talking about (understandable), here is the video to the song:



Infectious, huh? I'm surprised nobody realised the lead singer was gay back then, considering how fabulously styled his hair was in that clip.

but now, when I look back on it, It's actually a really stupid song, and still was even when I didn't look back on it. Let's have a look at the lyrics so you know what I mean.

She's taking her time making up the reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes
Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one

Ok, so basically this implies that she's got some kind of special talent for reading people's facial expressions, and what has she figured out from looking at their faces? They're all theorists!

They're saying, "Mama never loved her much"
And, "Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection"
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come

So she's basically waiting for the kind of pilot that can operate a vehicle that will go into space. Kind of like an astronaut? Duh.

And she'll say to him
She's sayin

This bit's just kind of annoying, they changed from future tense to present tense awful quickly. Nyaiben.

and here's the chorus, which is actually the only bit worth analysing. So, sorry for the other pointless bits leading up to it.

I would fly up to the moon and back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

First of all, if she's the one doing the flying, then why does she need a pilot? and why does it matter whether or not they have tickets when they're the ones flying the vehicle?

The chorus also claims that the ticket is for going to a world where they all belong. I guess they mean Earth, which is where they already were, because the moon isn't a world, it isn't even a freaking planet. Even if the moon was the "world" being referred to here, it still doesn't make sense, because they'll be going to the moon AND back. Back home, to Earth, where they were originally. Is Earth where they both belong? because I don't think they should waste so much money to go to the moon just to realise that they belong on Earth! Maybe they should've realised that before they decided to buy a return ticket.

Also, she's only willing to accept him as a pilot/astronaut for her vehicle to the moon if he will "be her baby". So, basically, if he pretends to be an infant for the flight! Geez, this woman's got weird fetishes. Anyway, if he is is the pilot, then that would be completely illegal and a horrendously bad idea, as he would be a baby and babies are way too young to be operating interspace vehicles, or vehicles of any sort for that matter, unless of course it's Britney Spears' baby. Oh zing!

So yeah, I'm not a nerd.

-C